Dear fellow human being, Yes. I know you are trying hard. You might be successful in your career, have a family, a network of friends, perhaps some hobbies, and some financial stability too. You might have some of that, perhaps just enough. Things look seemingly okay from the outside; you are safe, have a home and food on your plate.
Yet, at the end of each day, when you return home, you are left with the same sense of loneliness, a deep sense of discontent and unhappiness. The days look the same, as if you are trapped in a loop where life just repeats itself day by day. And it gradually becomes pointless and purposeless. You feel lost, as if you have been on a journey with no map, with no defined destination all along.
Your phone suddenly rings; a friend is inviting you for dinner later in the week; or they're just asking you how you are doing, and you think to yourself: "I'm too tired to respond now, I had a busy day.". Tomorrow comes and you forget to respond; "Another busy day," you think. And the days, weeks, even months go by. This dinner with your friend never happened. And your message exchange has been happening with long gaps, leaving little room for meaningful, synchronous conversation in the "here and now.".
But you are doing really great at work. You are saving money to buy a new house with a garden, a shiny new car, to travel to that exotic holiday destination you have always dreamed of.
And years go by. And you suddenly look around you. All these things that the majority of us were told that would make us happier are there. Nothing is missing. And you feel this familiar feeling; the emptiness in you is still there. None of these things you worked hard to achieve or buy filled the void in you. You realise how lonely you are and have been; that other than the tangible things and professional achievements, you haven't got much left. You invested it all in your single-person empire. And you did great.
But you realise that, all along, it was all about you. It was about doing more. Getting more. Achieving more. It never became about connecting with the people in your life at a deeper level, about giving to others unconditionally. About being there for this friend who messaged you and who you never responded to. About the people who entered your life, and who you never noticed, never made an effort to get to know, to keep, and to nourish. You were too preoccupied with your own empire.
And you think to yourself. "Nah, it can't be. I will just enjoy life in my empire. It should be enough.". You think you have invested so much in building this empire, it's too late to revert. Now you live in it; perhaps your family is part of it, friends might visit, being impressed by what you created and acquired. But there is always this same sense of loneliness in you.
But, if you read this, please remember; you are not alone. We are all on the same boat, fighting the same battle. Remember that it is never too late to look up and around you. To, for a little while, disregard the achievements and the goals, the objectified life that you lead.
Observe them. They are there, waiting to be met, to be heard, and to listen to you; to connect with you and share with you. You just need to let them in.
Yes, it's people, all people, your people. The only meaningful part of your life that, if you let in, will only fade away when hearts stop beating. The rest can be gone in the blink of an eye, and if not gone, it can only make the emptiness in you bigger. It is people who will fill this void with their love. It's you giving to people that will fill the void, offering this great sense of fulfilment, when you were there for this friend who needed you; when you stayed late at work - not to reach this important KPI - but to talk to this colleague who was suffering from anxiety or depression; when you smiled back at the cashier who smiled at you without knowing you.
And I get it. It is not easy; we are not accustomed—for many reasons—to do this. But I hope this blog post can act as a little reminder that can allow the thinking to happen, the feeling to be felt and observed, and to then perhaps realise that we all have a choice: To stop and connect, rather than to keep going and disconnect.
Thanks for reading this far.
Take good care. Warm wishes, One of your people
Author: Tony Georgiadis - Therapist and Counsellor in London and Online
In person and Online Counselling and Therapy